5 Movies People Keep Telling Me to Watch That I’ll Probably Never Watch

5.  “The Goonies”

I don't care how funny the fat kid is.

A few years ago, my best friend and I realized that we both shared adolescent love for the movie “Robin Hood:  Men in Tights.”  We rushed out to our university’s library and rented it, then ran back to her dorm to watch it.  We had pizza, soda, popcorn and giggles prepared.

Twenty minutes into the movie, we both noticed that neither of us had laughed once.

Instead of my memory of “Robin Hood:  Men in Tights” being preserved as an awesome childhood favorite, it was replaced by the notion that it was a severely unfunny movie that left me questioning my taste in nostalgia and films in general.

Most people who saw “The Goonies” did so at a young age.  I’m not sure, but it might be one of those movies that brings back the feeling of watching it as a kid, like “The Sandlot” or anything on SNICK.

4.  Anymore “Star Wars”

It's not the movie, I just don't like Mark Hamill's haircut.

It took me nearly my whole lifetime to watch one “Star Wars” movie, a film franchise that has inspired legions of dedicated fans.  I hear the oft-quoted “Star Wars” lines; I see the oft-donned “Star Wars” costumes; I recognize the oft-used “Star Wars” references.

But, in the words of the great philosopher, Freddie Mercury, “‘Jaws’ was never my scene and I don’t like ‘Star Wars.'”

3.  Anymore “Lord of the Rings”

They could've easily cut this movie down to a slim three hours.

Like “Star Wars,” I actually watched the first film.  Granted, I did take an hour nap in the middle of it, but it was still nowhere near done, so I count it anyway.

Why won’t I watch anymore?  Because them shits are like 3 hours a piece!  Three hours per movie!  And I fell asleep in the first one!  So, no.

2.  “Braveheart”

I might consider watching if he calls one of the Scottish dudes 'sugar-tits.'

It has everything that I should love in a movie:  face paint, dramatic/inspiring war-time monologues, men in skirts.  Yet, somehow, I don’t feel like I’ll ever really get around to watching this one.

1.  “Boondock Saints”

How could I not enjoy a movie with Willem Dafoe in it? He's like a real-life Green Goblin.

This movie is my On the Road.  I’ve started it a good five times, and it’s not bad, but it’s been too long since the last time I started it, and I don’t want to start from the beginning again, but I don’t know where I left off, so…

What about you guys?  Are there any movies people keep hounding you to see, but you know you’re never going to sit down and watch?


About bloomslately

Post-college grad, loves vintage fashion, film and comedy. Amateur cook. Trying to decide whether it's better to know a lot about one thing or a little about a lot of things.
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14 Responses to 5 Movies People Keep Telling Me to Watch That I’ll Probably Never Watch

  1. Lorraine says:

    I can still watch Sandlot, anytime, anyday and be thoroughly amused.

  2. You think the movies are long? Then I highly suggest you don’t read the Lord of the Rings trilogy. :P.

  3. ‘The Goonies’ is a movie that I’ll never watch. Like you, I’ve heard countless numbers of people talk about it, and yet, I don’t care to see a retarded deformed monster befriend a fat kid, token chinese boy, and other generics.

    I WANT to watch the original ‘Star Wars’ movies, but can’t bring myself to watch some dumb-ass looking Yoda puppet. If they ever re-did the movies in today’s technologies, I’d watch them. I do like the newer trilogy, though. Star Wars fans would have a cow if they heard anyone preferred the new ones to the originals. But I don’t care.

    Also, with the ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy, here’s my opinion: You should at least give parts two and three a chance. I love the trlogy, but the first movie is by far the most boring. Absolutely nothing happens in that one. Parts two and three are ten times better.

    I can’t think of many movies that I won’t watch, but one that comes to mind is a two series of movies: Harry Potter and Twilight. I will never watch either, no matter if everyone in the world considered them the greatest made movies of all time. I find them both incredibly idiotic.

  4. bloomslately says:

    I actually didn’t mind the crappy special effects in the original Star Wars, but I definitely agree with you on Twilight and Harry Potter. Although, I watched the first Harry Potter years ago and found that I didn’t hate it at all; I just don’t care enough to sit through all 12 movies. (Or 5)

  5. Kimba McG says:

    The only movie on this list I haven’t seen is The Goonies, which has never appealed to me (and OMG, The Sandlot is still just as great years later). I’m a huge Star Wars/LOTR fan, which is partially more than likely because of my nerdtastic tendencies, but the one on this list I would definitely recommend you stick with is Boondock Saints. Seriously, the humour in there is so dark it could start a black hole. And so worth it.

    • bloomslately says:

      I do love some dark humor, so maybe I’ll keep Boondock Saints on my list… Also–I found The Sandlot in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart a few years ago and have never rewatched it. Still tepid about ruining childhood loves. Are You Afraid of the Dark? –turns out, not as scary as I once thought. Childhood memory SMASHED. Lol.

      • Kimba McG says:

        Heh. We watched The Frighteners last night, which came out when I was ten. Peed ourselves laughing all the way through it. Terrified the pants off me in 1996.

      • bloomslately says:

        I’ve never seen The Frighteners (!), but I’m sure it’s that same effect. Makes you want to go back in time and tell your ten year old self, “Oh, honey…”

  6. I surprisingly know more than a few people who have never seen the Goonies. And Braveheart is…eh. You should watch Blade Runner instead…or some terrible yet fantastic 90s teen film.

  7. bloomslately says:

    Blade Runner is awesome! I don’t even like sci-fi, or fantasy, or however you would categorize that type of movie, but Blade Runner, Terminator and Total Recall have changed my mind about that whole genre. Also, are you suggesting I watch My Girl?

  8. Sweeney says:

    Same on both Star Wars and LotR, although I do hold out the vague plan to see them some day… but… it probably won’t happen, if I’m being honest with myself.

    I seriously love Boondock Saints, though. Awesome movie and I would recommend sticking it out…but I also know that feeling of, “We have tried and failed too many times. I think we should let it go.”

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